Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
