so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She bit a glass in half.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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