You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
