My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
