I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
