just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
