I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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