I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
