Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
