I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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