Quick, to the slutcave!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
