I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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