You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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