he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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