Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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