Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
