Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
