Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
