You're my little dorito
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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