The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
