Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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