he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
