im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
