this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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