I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I smell stomach acid.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
