I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
