i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
