there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
