i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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