You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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