it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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