i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
