It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
zippers are such a cool invention
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
ttyl tear gas
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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