Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
