It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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