we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
