remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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