I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
