Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
lets start a swedish sibling band together
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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