How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
