I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
