Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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