FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
