whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
