I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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