I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize