I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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