haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
