he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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