I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just found puke in my bra..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
