i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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