you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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