So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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