dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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