Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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