Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm getting married
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!