Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN