Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy