woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.