apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
