Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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