You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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