plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
