i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
