Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
