whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
