So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
