It was confusing and full of hummus
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
