Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
