My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
