1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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