You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
