Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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