The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
