my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
