At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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