I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
