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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
