No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
