I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
