hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Green mimosas i think yes
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
try to milk me bitch
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
