thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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