so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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