I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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